is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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