Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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