This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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