omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
