Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
