last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
