I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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