Screwed.edu
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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