how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
