Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
