What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We have started to decorate penises.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
