I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
