the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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