We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
