i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
