the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
