I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize