hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
