Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
