last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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