i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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