I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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