I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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