they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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