So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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