Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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