I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
