it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
