It's Friday. Sex?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
