My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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