So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
