Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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