i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize