hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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