nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
