We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
