Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
