I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She's the barista slut.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
