i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
