is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize