new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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