just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
