before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
