We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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