I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
