im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
