$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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