you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
