Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
