So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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