My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
