My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
