Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
