sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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