She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
why is half of my head shaved?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
