Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So much Jack, so little girl.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
