see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
