Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
