Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
