I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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