I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
