I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
