I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
