R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
