What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
