Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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