I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
