do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
