My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
