Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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