You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
