I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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