I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
