You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
