hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
