so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I am available for nakedness
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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