their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
