I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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