I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
