Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
