I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
