Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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