I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
