Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
